Very funny – if you get the joke

My ickle friend spent a couple of days with me this week – she’s a teacher and thought she’d have less distractions at my place and could crack on with her marking while I was at work. She’s a PE teacher, probably half the size of most of her students and without make-up she could easily pass for a 12-year-old. She’s 29 this year.

But one of the things I love about her is her quirky sense of humour, which only those who know her best seem to get. She’s pretty quick witted and often causes discomfort for the many people who just don’t get her jokes.

We were in Currys last night looking at TVs and chatted to the sales guy about the spec and size and all that jazz. And we started talking about 32 inch TVs versus 40 inch TVs. Then ickle friend says: “Well, I’m not sure what to believe when men start talking about inches – they say this is six inches,” and then placed her hands as if she were holding a metre long invisible plank.

The poor TV guy didn’t get it at all and I quickly moved the conversation along. Then, later, when were at the food counter at the cinema, ickle friend asked for a cup of tea. “How big’s the large?” she enquired.

The poor guy serving her looked a tad on the shy side and held up a huge piece of cardboard with the prices on. He’d obviously misheard her. “Really, as big as that?” she said, and the poor chappy turned bright red and I had to hold in my giggles, being the mature 28-year-old I am.

Bless her. It was a fun evening, although her stay wasn’t that productive. She did my washing up for me (thanks!), did a bit of shopping and stomped round the flat in my heels (three sizes too big for her!) and sent me a text picture message of a notepad with “stinky marking” emblazened on it in biro. Hmmm.

I think the real reason for her visit (she travelled an hour down the M1 to see me) was an appointment with my physio, the one who sorted my ankle out. She’s got dodgy shoulders and wanted Mr Physio, who is quite cute but a tad on the short side for me, to take a look. She even wore the most inappropriate bra she could find and attempted to justify it to me. Nice try sunshine.

Anyway, it was lovely to have her to stay. Even if I do have to lug half her luggage back up the M1 tonight. She’d brought about three suitcases with her and didn’t have time to load them into the car this morning – she was running late for a date ‘cos she’d been to Next to buy an outfit ‘cos the 25 she had with her weren’t suitable, and because it was raining she was worried she’d get ger hair wet with too many trips to the car. Bless.