Robyn’s Nest

One of my buddies has just started her own PR business and her first investment has been a BMW. She’s such a flash git!

So, in celebration of her new career and her new wheels, we’ll be drinking in style on Saturday night when she comes over to hang with me and the MK Massive. We’ll be downing a drinky called Dr Pepper, which we’ve imported from our recent ski jolly in France.

The drink consists of the following: Fill one tumbler with equal measures of beer and coke (sounds gross but bear with me). Then fill a shot glass with Amaretto and insert said shot glass (keeping the contents inside the glass) into the tumbler of beer and coke, trying to avoid spillages. Then down the lot. Yum!

I was dubious when the ski chalet barman pushed it my way for the first time the other week, thinking I was going to spectacularly pour booze down my face and end up being a sticky mess. How was the shot glass going to stay inside the tumbler? Wasn’t it just going to bounce off my nose?

Not so. It tasted yummy - a bit like Dr Pepper I guess, hence the name - and there were no leakages. Here’s to the weekend, even if it is only Tuesday.

These are the lessons that me and my ski chums learned while on our ski jollies:

• Don’t get off the bucket lift half way. It results in a half hour wait to get back on and laughter from others who pass by, realising what you’ve done
• Don’t forget your gloves or your sunglasses, especially when retrieving them means a trek up three flights of stairs
• Don’t be afraid to wear a hat or goggles on the slopes. You may look like a knobhead but at least you’re warm and have 100 per cent visibility
• Always wear suncream. Red faces are a fashion faux pas
• Avoid trips to the toilets at mountain restaurants. It will involve a slippery staircase and you will fall over
• Don’t sit in a gondola facing down the slope if you’re scared of heights
• Don’t closely examine how well chair lifts are attached to the wire when you’ve just embarked the scare chair
• Don’t ski when it’s raining, goggles do not have windscreen wipers
• Don’t ski in front of a boarder, it may well end in tears
• Don’t eat yellow snow, or brown snow for that matter
• Don’t try and be cool when walking in ski boots, it’s impossible
• Don’t water down your wine when other people are looking
• Don’t accept a leaving drink when it’s a shot of chilli vodka. The aftertaste will be stinging your tastebuds for a good 20 minutes after consumption. Yuk!
• Never mix your drinks. This can only result in a hangover from hell
• Don’t take wine with anyone. This is a dangerous game concocted by Essex folk and despite creating much laughter along the way, will only end in embarrassment or feeling sick or both
• Don’t drink wine out of carafes. It sets a very dangerous precedent
• Don’t put your trackies on when you’ve just got out of the hot tub, you will look like you’ve had a little accident
• If you do something “naughty” then don’t leave any evidence behind (soz Mand!)
• When you fall over, try not to point your skis downhill ‘cos you’ll just keep going (soz Mand!)
• Be aware that if you wear a headband, you may look like a misplaced tennis player (soz Mand)
• Drink water and when you think you’ve had enough, drink some more water(thanks Jules)
• If you can’t get enough sleep at night, try and catch a few winks before dinner
• If you don’t like queues, enclosed spaces and long periods of pointless waiting, don’t fly out of Chambery Airport

Hangovers are difficult to deal with at the best of times. But last week I experienced a few things which made mine a whole lot worse.

Wearing thermals, hobbling across snow in ski boots, boiling to death in a swinging gondola and swooshing down a mountain at high speed are all things to be avoided should you wake up feeling like death following one too many the night before.

My only advice, should you find yourself strapped to a pair of skis in the French Alps, is make your way to the nearest deckchair at one of the mountain bars and stay there. If you can muster the energy, feel free to order a coke (let it go flat before drinking) or try hair of the dog, and once you can keep solids down try tucking into some pomme frites.

This technique was tried on a couple of occasions during my trip to Alpe D’huez last week - a holiday full of laughter, skiing, drinking and more laughter. My two girly mates and I were first to arrive at our chalet and made our mark by supping our way through the cocktail list before the rest of the guests descended.

The rest of the guests? Well, 24 of them were from or had links to Southend, and they kindly adopted the three of us for most of the week. Now us volleyballers thought we could drink - Mandy proved this when she downed the best part of a carafe of red wine - but we had nowt on this bunch. As much as I hated the hangovers, the Essex Crew made our holiday and certainly the apres ski wouldn’t have been the same without them.

My dodgy ankle survived the ski holiday but my ribs are sore - not from ski injuries but from the sort of belly laughing that could burst blood vessells. I did lose my sense of humour on a few occasions though.

One was on the “scare chair”, a chair lift which I can’t even put into words without shaking so click here to experience it. And when you have a hangover it’s a whole lot worse. The second is when both my ski buddies appeared to lose their hearing and forced me to repeat everything I said at least twice. Not good when you’re tired and grumpy. And the third is when we arrived at the airport for the journey home. It’s not much bigger than a tin shack and was so rammed with passengers I wouldn’t have been suprised to see a one in-one out policy in operation on the door. Oh, and there was the occasion when I forget my gloves, trekked up three flights of stairs to retrieve them, only to get to the bottom and realise I’d forgotten my sunnies as well. Bugger.

It was a great holiday although I did return home craving fruit, veggies, a gallon of water and a proper night’s sleep. Now I’ve had all of those things and am feeling a tad healthier than I did a few days ago I can reflect on my ski jollies and the lessons we learned along the way. Tune in for part two of my ski adventures….

Today I  booked my annual ski holiday and I’m well excited! Blue skies, beautiful views, heaps of snow, fresh air and yummy French fodder. Can’t wait.

But crikey, organising it was a chore and a half - too much choice, too many websites, too many phone calls, not enough flights and so many conflicting consumer reviews. How the hell do you know if you’ve got a good deal? Well, it can’t be as bad as Andorra two years ago - limited hot water, skanky apartment, a bed that squeaked when you wiggled your little finger and a nightclub practically underneath your pillow. Still had a fab time though.

Anyhoo, it’s booked now. Three girls, the open slopes, a few French beers and a lot of giggles. I can’t wait to tackle what I call “extreme blues”. Find a blue run, go off piste and there’s so much fun to be had - flying through the air over jumps, skiing in snow up to your knees and getting a bit scared when you’re fast running out of slope and forget to stop.

Of course, this can be done off piste on the black runs too but insurance companies don’t recommend it!

PS The picture is of me, yes, doing some crazy off piste stuff in Germany last year. Can you guess how I landed? Not sure my knee has been the same since.